[0.0s] Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2.5s] We showed up at Alten.
[4.0s] It appears to have some damage to the city.
[7.0s] You have business here.
[8.3s] We're looking to fight a dragon.
[10.0s] We heard there was a dragon had been here,
[11.8s] and we want to find out what's going on.
[13.6s] We're supposed to be meeting our friend Delane here.
[16.3s] Let me send down the platform,
[18.0s] and we'll come up here so we don't have to yell at each other.
[20.3s] My name is GAlydindan Delane.
[23.2s] He hasn't been through in quite a while.
[24.7s] It seems like your village has taken a little bit of a hit here.
[27.7s] Can you tell us what happened?
[28.8s] Perhaps you should find the warden, GAlydin.
[31.6s] It's been said that he is one of the reasons why the dragon had left.
[35.1s] You pull up and there's a sign that says,
[37.8s] beefy stews, beefy stews.
[40.0s] Family sitting beside you at the counter.
[42.3s] They look over nervously.
[44.2s] How has Alten managed to stay standing?
[46.8s] We were saved by our village warden, GAlydin,
[49.8s] after he went down into the fray, everyone left.
[53.0s] Was he much loved before this incident?
[56.0s] He was a large part of the settlement,
[58.0s] making sure everyone was taken care of.
[60.6s] He himself has lost a lot as well.
[64.3s] His wife was killed in the attack.
[66.9s] Yes, yes, yes, come in.
[68.3s] And a slim elf sits at a desk and he stands up to greet you
[71.8s] and seems to have kind of a forced smile.
[74.8s] Welcome to our village.
[76.1s] How can I be of service?
[77.2s] We have some experience fighting dragons
[80.2s] since it seems like you're in charge.
[82.0s] You question me.
[83.4s] In my own house, in my own settlement,
[85.5s] who do you think you are?
[86.9s] Hey, hey, hey, boss.
[89.3s] Tried to find those papers you were looking for.
[91.2s] What's going on in here?
[92.2s] I have told you all I can.
[95.1s] That Goblin gave me the heads up
[97.8s] that we should go talk to her.
[99.5s] And he's still not telling the truth.
[102.9s] We going on an adventure or what?
[104.5s] Holy shit.
[105.3s] What did he say?
[106.1s] Did he say how he's been going out late at night?
[108.3s] There's this thing they call like a sting operation.
[111.9s] You just, you set up and you follow him.
[115.3s] As you continue to follow him,
[116.7s] he steps into an open clearing
[119.6s] and he's getting increasingly nervous,
[121.8s] openly frustrated by the fact that
[124.5s] whoever he's waiting for has not shown up.
[126.9s] Thaddeus says, so what are we going to do?
[129.0s] Unless we catch him, how do we know?
[130.6s] Fuck.
[131.7s] And he gets up and he walks out.
[134.1s] Well, I guess we should probably follow him.
[135.5s] He's heading directly towards GAlydin's house.
[138.6s] Thaddeus has GAlydin up against a wall
[141.0s] by the scruff of the neck, screaming at him.
[145.3s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[151.3s] We are a fifth edition Actual Play podcast
[153.7s] and I am your dungeon master, Russ More.
[156.4s] And with me today is Amy More.
[158.7s] I am.
[161.0s] Okay, I turned up the microphone.
[162.1s] You don't have to yell so loud.
[164.3s] She was just mirroring my energy.
[166.4s] I know I liked it.
[167.8s] Also with me today, Carla Johnson.
[171.4s] Hey, I'm Carla.
[172.3s] I play new Laura Moonbrook.
[174.0s] Currently want to throw my computer out a window.
[176.9s] That's my state of mind.
[177.8s] I'm going to start adding that
[178.7s] at the beginning of the intros.
[180.4s] That's the motto for podcasting.
[182.5s] I think is what it is.
[183.5s] I think you're right.
[185.2s] And with us last but not least, Tom Laird.
[188.8s] Yep, that's me.
[189.7s] I play Flint Firebeard
[191.7s] and I'm not having computer trouble.
[193.8s] So woohoo.
[195.2s] So you're a braggart.
[196.3s] I didn't say who I am.
[198.7s] I play Thea Amastasia.
[201.1s] Do you feel left out?
[201.9s] She is thrilled to play Thea Amastasia.
[204.7s] You cut me off and you introduced Carla
[207.1s] and I wasn't done yet after you finished berating me
[209.9s] about my volume of my voice.
[211.9s] I'm sorry.
[212.7s] Maybe I have the Austin Powers problem, okay?
[215.5s] You've been frozen in ice and...
[217.8s] Pee for a really long time.
[219.0s] Pee for a really long time.
[219.8s] Yeah.
[220.4s] That seems to check out.
[221.6s] You use a Swedish penis enlarger,
[223.7s] but then don't admit to it.
[225.3s] This isn't mine, baby.
[226.7s] One of the best things about our podcast
[229.0s] is our highly topical references.
[231.4s] Right?
[232.2s] We're always on it.
[233.2s] That's recent.
[234.8s] I feel like they keep saying
[236.0s] there's another Austin Powers coming
[237.7s] so that we'll just keep talking about it.
[240.0s] And then when they eventually make it,
[241.6s] it will be totally topical.
[243.6s] Are they saying that?
[244.5s] Mike Myers would be like...
[245.5s] I don't know.
[246.2s] I feel like Mike Myers
[247.2s] or somebody associated with the project
[249.5s] has been saying something
[250.4s] like there's been another one in the works
[252.9s] since, what was the last one,
[254.6s] Goldmember came out.
[256.1s] I can see why Mike Myers would want to do it.
[258.7s] He hasn't really been doing a lot lately.
[261.6s] What, you mean the Love Guru
[263.0s] wasn't a huge success?
[264.4s] God, even that was like 10 years ago.
[265.4s] He does the gong.
[266.7s] Oh.
[267.5s] Oh yeah.
[268.1s] Yeah, there's that TV show.
[269.2s] Is that still a thing?
[270.4s] I don't know if it's still a thing.
[271.4s] It was when we came back to Canada.
[273.1s] Oh, okay.
[273.6s] Well, that wasn't that long ago.
[275.3s] I think they'll bring it back.
[276.3s] And I was like, that's Mike Myers.
[278.5s] And then my parents were like,
[279.5s] no, it's not.
[280.1s] It's such and such.
[281.0s] I was like, no, that's just Mike Myers
[282.3s] in Facebook.
[283.4s] In a lot of pathetics.
[285.3s] Yeah.
[286.0s] For no reason.
[288.4s] Because he still looks exactly the same
[290.8s] because you cannot make that guy up in any way
[293.9s] where he does not look like Mike Myers.
[295.8s] It's a very pronounced jaw,
[297.0s] I think is what it is.
[298.0s] Yeah.
[298.2s] Well, and his voice, man.
[299.4s] He can, you know,
[300.6s] he has different character voices,
[301.9s] but they all sound like Mike Myers.
[304.0s] Yeah.
[304.9s] It's all just Mike Myers.
[305.6s] All kind of Shrek-ish.
[306.7s] Yeah.
[308.6s] Yeah, we're a Dumbgeons and Dragons podcast
[311.4s] and we play Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[312.8s] Wait, this isn't our Mike Myers podcast?
[315.3s] And if you like this talk about Mike Myers,
[318.3s] you should come over to our Patreon
[319.8s] where we're going to be starting
[320.9s] a new Mike Myers spinoff podcast
[324.0s] where we all play a different Mike Myers character.
[326.6s] Yes.
[328.1s] I call Shrek.
[330.7s] Aw, you took the best one.
[332.9s] Fat bastard.
[334.6s] Those are going to sound awfully similar.
[336.9s] The dad from So I Married and Axe Murder.
[339.9s] Oh, shit.
[340.4s] Okay, one more Scottish Mike Myers character.
[342.6s] One more Scottish Mike Myers character.
[344.4s] I can't think of another one.
[345.7s] I'm not being the love guru
[347.1s] because I did not see that movie,
[348.2s] but it's definitely racist.
[350.2s] So you're the love guru.
[354.2s] Clearly the most racist of us all, Carla.
[356.6s] You get to be the love guru.
[358.0s] It's just typecast.
[359.1s] And our podcast will be called
[360.4s] It's Dragons, Baby, Yeah.
[367.5s] So if you come join us on Patreon,
[369.2s] we may or may not have a Mike Myers based podcast,
[372.8s] but what we do have is another D&D game running over there
[376.6s] currently DM'd by Tom Laird.
[378.4s] And the episode that comes or has just come out
[381.6s] this past month is hilarious.
[385.5s] Episode 8.
[387.3s] If we do say so ourselves.
[388.4s] If we do say so ourselves.
[390.8s] Made me roll on the floor.
[393.0s] Laughing is what the kids are saying.
[395.1s] R-O-F-L-N-B-O.
[401.1s] The Star Wars movies.
[402.3s] The eighth installment is the best.
[405.2s] Right.
[408.1s] It's a fun game.
[408.8s] We get to play totally different characters
[410.5s] and it's only for the specialist people get to listen to it.
[413.3s] Like the Patreon dedication today is one Jonathan.
[418.8s] Sorry if I mess up your last name.
[420.7s] Nooyam.
[422.9s] Probably Nguyen.
[424.3s] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[426.8s] Well, we've given him three options.
[428.2s] So hopefully one is closest.
[430.1s] Jonathan, thank you so much for being amazing.
[434.4s] Thank you.
[434.9s] You're awesome, Jonathan.
[436.2s] Jonathan is also usually one of the first ones to point out
[438.6s] when we get rules errors.
[440.2s] Oh, and boy does he point out a lot of mine.
[442.7s] Keeping us on the straight and narrow.
[444.7s] I mean, don't get me wrong.
[445.5s] I appreciate it.
[446.7s] I was going to say it's very helpful.
[448.0s] He tries to make me better.
[449.3s] It's not working.
[450.4s] So I just didn't realize I made so many until Russell's
[454.9s] like, oh, yeah, here's a picture of the screenshot of a
[457.1s] conversation we're having.
[458.1s] I'm like, oh, I feel bad now.
[460.9s] I'm seriously excited to DM.
[462.8s] Jonathan, you go easy on me because I'm not going to
[465.5s] follow any rules where we're going.
[468.0s] We don't need rules.
[468.9s] Oh, that's exciting.
[471.1s] And every character is going to be some sort of Doc Brown
[473.5s] character.
[474.2s] Oh, God.
[474.7s] No, Amy.
[475.4s] Don't let that happen.
[477.2s] I won't.
[477.9s] He doesn't control me.
[479.6s] You don't own me.
[481.7s] Good.
[482.9s] Fuck it.
[483.3s] Let's play D&D.
[484.1s] Yes.
[485.2s] Didn't we already fuck it?
[486.4s] No.
[487.1s] I just was swearing.
[489.2s] It was confusing because I was just cursing a lot at my
[491.6s] computer.
[492.1s] So you thought that meant I had said the thing.
[495.5s] You follow behind Thaddeus and follow him to Galen's
[500.0s] house where Thaddeus has gone in.
[502.8s] And you see he's got him by the scruff of the neck.
[505.0s] And he's screaming at him, who are you working with?
[507.9s] And who are you meeting in the forest?
[509.6s] And Galen is a little bit stuttering.
[511.9s] And he says, what are you talking about?
[513.9s] Meeting who and what?
[515.9s] And he kind of wriggles free from Thaddeus as Thaddeus
[519.2s] continues yelling at him.
[521.7s] And he's sprinting for the door where you four are
[524.2s] standing.
[525.1s] Can we just trip him?
[527.1s] Is that what you want to do?
[528.0s] Kind of.
[529.6s] I mean, I just want to stop him.
[531.0s] That would probably work.
[531.9s] You could, like, clothesline him.
[533.5s] Yeah.
[534.0s] Oh, whoa.
[535.5s] Let's get creative with it.
[536.8s] So you just do, like, a, like, just a yawn stretch.
[540.7s] Just like a little, like, ah.
[542.2s] And then he runs into my arm.
[545.0s] Sure.
[545.5s] Yeah, yeah.
[546.0s] He runs towards you.
[547.1s] And you, you clothesline him.
[549.1s] Just roll me a d20 with strength.
[551.9s] So I should, like, throw it against the wall?
[553.7s] Totally.
[554.7s] Exactly what I was going to say.
[556.4s] You're the fucking best, Amy.
[557.8s] I love it.
[558.4s] 17.
[560.9s] Yeah, you put your arm out.
[562.2s] And you manage to stop him in his tracks.
[565.0s] You don't knock him to the floor or anything.
[567.4s] But he kind of bounces back and is now
[569.5s] in between Thaddeus and your entourage.
[574.1s] And he says, I don't know what you're talking about.
[577.7s] What are you doing coming into my house?
[579.6s] How can you not know what we're talking about?
[582.0s] We followed you.
[584.1s] What do you mean you followed me?
[585.3s] I've been here all night.
[586.8s] Lies.
[587.6s] Shenanigans.
[588.5s] Lies, you shut your lying mouth.
[590.6s] Yeah, you stupid son of a bitch.
[594.3s] Calm down.
[596.4s] You're going out every night.
[599.2s] Everyone in the city has good things to say about you.
[602.0s] So why are you acting shady as hell?
[605.3s] What is going on?
[606.7s] I don't know what you're talking about.
[608.5s] And he looks outside.
[609.6s] And he sees people kind of starting
[611.2s] to come out from their houses.
[613.4s] And he says, help.
[615.0s] Help.
[616.5s] Thea punches him in the face.
[617.8s] I think they're working for the dragon.
[619.4s] Thea punches him in the face before I can say it.
[624.9s] Oh, fuck.
[626.3s] Plus your strength.
[627.7s] Well, I know.
[628.2s] My strength is only two, though.
[630.1s] It's 11.
[630.8s] Should I slap him instead?
[631.9s] He's got those noodly elf arms.
[633.8s] My noodly.
[634.5s] I'm so way fish.
[635.4s] I'm like, I have no strength behind my bunch.
[639.2s] He grabs at his face.
[641.1s] And he's, they're striking me.
[644.3s] Help me.
[645.6s] I called to the dragon.
[647.3s] I think they're here.
[648.4s] And you see people coming closer to Galen's house.
[654.7s] I produce flame in my hand.
[656.2s] And I say, you shut up, or I will burn this place down.
[660.4s] Thea's not fucking around anymore.
[661.7s] No kidding.
[662.8s] So he stops yelling.
[665.2s] No yell.
[665.9s] Just kidding.
[667.1s] Just kidding.
[671.0s] Go back to your houses.
[674.7s] He's such a jokester.
[676.1s] How about we go inside?
[677.2s] I thought we were inside.
[678.3s] You are inside.
[678.9s] He has an open air concept house.
[680.5s] Oh, yeah, right.
[681.2s] I thought he had run out the door.
[682.5s] And that's how we were outside the door.
[683.9s] But OK.
[685.4s] Thea managed to push him back.
[686.7s] I see.
[687.8s] I not so really clotheslined him.
[690.1s] And then almost but not quite slapped him in the face.
[693.1s] Hey, all you needed to do was stop him.
[695.1s] And you did it.
[696.1s] I'm just not feeling very effective.
[698.4s] So I think I'm overcompensating
[700.6s] with my level of aggression because
[702.4s] of my lame attempts of physical contact.
[706.0s] And I'm like, you know what?
[707.1s] It's not my thing.
[707.8s] I'm just going to burn this place to the ground.
[709.8s] Magic fire time.
[711.3s] Yeah, it's more of your strength.
[713.8s] So I guess, what's the crowd doing?
[716.9s] Some of the crowd looks to be kind of backing away.
[719.2s] But others are just kind of standing and watching,
[722.0s] not going anywhere.
[723.1s] But they're not approaching the house anymore.
[725.3s] Right.
[726.3s] OK.
[726.8s] They're just but they can everybody can see you.
[729.8s] See what's happening.
[730.6s] Yeah, yeah, because we're yeah.
[732.5s] Well, I don't think this will work.
[734.2s] But I will say, like, everything is fine.
[737.6s] We do not work for the Cult of the Dragon.
[740.5s] We're just trying to get some information from him.
[744.0s] It's what the Cult of the Dragon would say.
[746.4s] No, it wouldn't.
[748.0s] The Cult of the Dragon.
[749.2s] Have you even met any of those guys?
[750.4s] They are very obvious.
[752.3s] Yeah, they're not really a talk organization.
[756.0s] At least has been our experience with them.
[758.6s] I think you can all probably agree.
[760.7s] They come in fire breathing, murdering, not one on one
[767.7s] chit chat.
[769.1s] They also wear purple robes.
[771.0s] And none of us have those.
[774.1s] They don't all wear.
[775.4s] And then as he says that, Thaddeus knocks him to the
[777.9s] ground and is stepping on his throat.
[779.8s] Oh boy.
[781.0s] This this version of Thaddeus is aggressive.
[784.8s] He begins muttering and incantation under his breath
[789.6s] and his eyes begin to glow and his hands begin to
[794.0s] glow a light.
[795.9s] And he says, how many people have you killed?
[800.4s] The only spy here is you, coward.
[803.5s] And his hands grow brighter.
[805.1s] He's casting Zone of Truth.
[809.8s] Is that real?
[811.5s] We've never had that on our show.
[815.1s] I don't know.
[815.4s] What do you guys do watching him?
[817.0s] You don't know that he's casting Zone of Truth.
[819.0s] You know that he's casting something.
[821.0s] What do you guys do watching this?
[823.4s] Keep watching.
[824.1s] I'm going to let him know.
[825.1s] He's kicking the shit out of somebody.
[826.6s] This is amazing.
[827.6s] This is like totally never happened before.
[830.2s] Man, you know, we don't know Thaddeus very well.
[834.2s] Maybe it's a little bit of a loose cannon.
[836.0s] You know what, Galen?
[836.9s] I'd answer him.
[839.7s] He says, I would doubt.
[841.8s] I don't know what you guys are, what you talking about?
[845.5s] And Thaddeus lets loose a ball of energy that spreads
[851.3s] across the room and until the spell ends, any creature
[859.3s] in that sphere must make a Charisma saving throw.
[861.9s] That includes all of you.
[865.2s] I'm Charismatic as shit.
[868.5s] I am.
[869.7s] 15.
[871.5s] 16.
[872.3s] I have no Charisma.
[873.6s] So I just wasted my only good roll.
[875.3s] Sorry.
[875.8s] Sorry friends.
[878.8s] Nularaaaan, Thea save, Flamikinskin saves, but nobody else saves.
[885.7s] So you are all under the allure of Zone of Truth.
[890.1s] Yeah.
[892.6s] Can't wait to hear what Flint tells us about how he really
[895.3s] feels about us.
[896.2s] Oh boy.
[897.2s] And Thaddeus.
[899.6s] Do I recognize a spell?
[901.0s] You recognize that a spell was cast.
[904.4s] Oh my god, the entire neighborhood recognize that a
[907.2s] spell is being cast.
[908.0s] Well, no, you recognize that a spell was cast that
[910.2s] was trying to alter the way that you are able to
[914.2s] control, you know, talk and stuff, but you know that
[918.8s] you have saved from it.
[921.3s] So Thaddeus says, who are you working for and you
[925.9s] see Galen try to say something and he just he
[932.1s] can't bring himself to say what he wants to say
[934.8s] and he breaks down and he says, you're right.
[942.0s] I stopped the attack on Altand.
[950.9s] We were being attacked by the dragon and I found
[954.8s] myself face to face with this man who was riding
[962.2s] the dragon.
[964.6s] We were in the thick of battle and I begged for
[967.0s] my life offering anything in return.
[969.8s] I begged for my life not for the life of anybody
[972.8s] else.
[973.1s] I saw that my wife was murdered.
[975.6s] I had nothing left.
[978.9s] And he agreed to spare me and leave Altand
[984.6s] intact in exchange for information on other
[988.8s] settlements that he would attack.
[994.5s] Low.
[995.9s] Yikes.
[997.1s] Coward, you have nothing to live for yet you
[999.5s] decided to jeopardize the lives of you know, I
[1004.1s] don't know how many else like thousands of
[1007.8s] others.
[1008.9s] I saved the people in my settlement and that
[1012.1s] was what I thought I could do at that time
[1014.9s] given the opportunity that I had.
[1018.4s] I assume this was before all the other
[1020.4s] settlements were burned.
[1023.4s] No, they just they they came here and they
[1026.2s] were looking for information on on other
[1028.7s] settlements within within the forest.
[1032.6s] If you remember there were there were at least
[1034.2s] a couple other settlements that have not been hit.
[1036.7s] I was trying to figure out a timeline like did
[1038.3s] they come to Altand first and then he
[1041.0s] gave them information and then those other
[1043.0s] settlements got burned to a crisp or some
[1045.6s] had already been burned to a crisp then they
[1047.6s] came here like can we stop this or no?
[1051.3s] They they had hit other settlements before
[1054.0s] they had come here.
[1056.0s] And they were amidst destroying our people
[1059.2s] and our city our our settlement and there
[1063.7s] are other settlements that they want to hit
[1066.4s] and I was to provide information on their
[1070.2s] weaknesses being that we were a safe house
[1075.4s] for some of the the remaining few people
[1077.9s] who got away from the initial attacks and
[1079.8s] the other settlements we had access to more
[1084.0s] information on on the various capabilities
[1088.7s] that these settlements had.
[1091.5s] And that's where I was going tonight to
[1094.5s] meet him and tell him about you showing
[1097.8s] up.
[1099.3s] But he did not show up.
[1101.4s] Does he normally come every night to
[1104.2s] get information or is there a way that
[1106.3s] you signal him?
[1108.3s] I am to go to the same spot every night
[1111.9s] he comes most nights.
[1114.0s] This is the only the second or third time
[1118.2s] that he has not shown up.
[1120.3s] When he comes is he a man alone or he's
[1125.2s] on the dragon or he and the dragon come
[1129.2s] together.
[1130.4s] What's this man's name?
[1132.1s] I don't know his name.
[1133.9s] I don't know the name of the dragon.
[1137.2s] He did not give me any of that information.
[1140.2s] I don't know who he is.
[1142.5s] I know when he leaves he flies off due
[1145.9s] southeast from where we met and his
[1148.5s] clothes when he shows up are are often
[1151.8s] his clothes and his hair are often wet.
[1155.0s] Is there a giant waterfall with a cave
[1158.5s] behind it somewhere?
[1159.6s] I was going to ask the exact same question.
[1165.1s] Feel like maybe you would have mentioned
[1166.4s] that if there was and you knew about
[1168.0s] it, but I don't know.
[1169.6s] I mean there there are waterfalls within
[1172.2s] the Misty Forest.
[1175.4s] Some in possibly in the direction that
[1178.6s] he was flying after our meetings.
[1181.2s] Have you given no thought to where he
[1184.9s] he might be coming from or going to?
[1189.4s] I mean, you're obviously a coward,
[1191.3s] but have you even bothered to look?
[1194.1s] No, my settlement is safe and that
[1199.4s] your settlement is safe for now.
[1202.4s] I'm so disgusted by this man.
[1204.2s] This is like against everything new
[1207.6s] Laura believes rate like she wants to
[1211.1s] protect people.
[1212.0s] This is just like you look out in
[1215.0s] the crowd has gathered around gallons
[1218.1s] house.
[1218.6s] Yeah, come closer.
[1221.2s] There is a concerned murmur going
[1225.5s] through coming through the crowds.
[1227.8s] So if they heard all this be I'm
[1230.4s] going to say, yeah, okay.
[1233.1s] Well, I don't think we're going
[1233.9s] to have to take care of him.
[1234.9s] I think that the community might
[1236.5s] do that.
[1237.3s] Well, maybe but maybe they're
[1238.6s] like on board because he saved them.
[1240.6s] People are.
[1243.1s] Grows worse.
[1244.0s] Yeah, yeah, our elves fairly.
[1247.7s] I shouldn't.
[1248.2s] I feel like I should know this,
[1249.3s] but well, no, I'm just wondering
[1250.9s] if they're very community-driven
[1252.6s] do they care about their own in
[1254.7s] any sort of like a stronger way
[1256.2s] where the majority of people would
[1257.7s] say you sure you saved us,
[1260.4s] but you've now put thousands
[1262.1s] of our kin and brethren in danger.
[1264.6s] Not cool, man, or are they
[1267.1s] fairly self-serving selfish
[1269.3s] individuals who are like,
[1270.6s] well, you know, you know,
[1271.8s] there's always trade-offs.
[1274.5s] No, I mean, elves are going
[1276.8s] to be very community-driven
[1278.6s] and community-based because I
[1280.8s] mean they live for a very
[1282.1s] long time, but as such they
[1284.1s] don't necessarily procreate
[1288.4s] as fast as say humans do.
[1290.8s] So yeah, we don't practice.
[1293.0s] I was going to say has led me
[1294.9s] to believe that is not the case.
[1296.9s] Sorry, but because they live
[1298.1s] for such a long time,
[1299.2s] they don't need to write.
[1300.5s] So when their numbers diminish
[1302.3s] that takes them, you know,
[1304.5s] much longer to build back up to
[1308.6s] so what's the gestation
[1310.0s] period of an elf?
[1311.8s] Yeah, good question.
[1313.9s] Galen, answer honestly.
[1317.5s] It's approximately nine months.
[1319.0s] So, but because they live
[1321.8s] for as much longer.
[1323.3s] Well, they're babies until like
[1324.9s] or like it takes them 25 years
[1326.8s] to fully mature whereas
[1329.2s] that's actually only a few years
[1330.7s] less than a regular.
[1332.0s] I was going to say arguably it's not even
[1334.7s] I don't know.
[1335.4s] I know some 25 year olds
[1336.9s] that are not fully mature yet.
[1338.8s] No, no, physically, physically mature.
[1340.4s] I see, I see.
[1342.2s] Because like I it's a hundred.
[1343.9s] It's a hundred before they're considered
[1345.8s] like adult adults, right?
[1348.3s] Okay.
[1348.6s] Well, that very important aside aside.
[1351.8s] Yeah, I feel like I know more.
[1355.5s] Me too, like about the world
[1357.1s] that we're inhabiting.
[1358.4s] So that's flushed it out.
[1359.8s] So thank you, Russ.
[1361.2s] Yeah, no worries.
[1363.5s] I guess I'm going to like talk
[1368.6s] to the crowd kind of and say
[1370.7s] like do any of you
[1374.7s] where could they be
[1376.3s] if he's heading to the southeast
[1378.7s] and his his clothes
[1381.0s] and hair are wet.
[1383.0s] Certainly you must have explored
[1386.1s] the forest.
[1387.1s] Where where could this be?
[1389.7s] Where did they meet them?
[1391.2s] Galen says,
[1392.2s] I don't know.
[1392.7s] We followed them to a clearing
[1393.9s] but you know, I tell them in like
[1395.1s] a good important way.
[1396.6s] Galen then comes forward and says
[1398.1s] yeah, yeah, dude.
[1398.9s] There's probably a couple
[1401.0s] waterfalls in that direction.
[1402.8s] I mean, if that's what you're looking
[1404.0s] for, then I mean,
[1405.6s] that might be good for you.
[1407.8s] Unless any of you can think of
[1409.7s] something else that would fit
[1411.6s] with those clues.
[1412.7s] It would have to be a huge
[1414.4s] waterfall.
[1415.1s] It's a dragon.
[1416.9s] So yeah, no,
[1418.8s] you're absolutely right.
[1419.8s] And I mean, there is there.
[1421.2s] Like I said,
[1421.7s] there are a couple.
[1423.4s] One of them is is quite large.
[1426.6s] And I mean, it could.
[1428.5s] I don't know if there's any sort
[1429.8s] of tunnel system beyond it.
[1431.5s] I personally haven't explored
[1433.2s] that that much.
[1435.4s] But I know there is one
[1436.5s] in that direction.
[1438.2s] What do you want us to do
[1440.0s] with your fearful leader?
[1442.8s] Yeah, let's burn them at the stake.
[1445.7s] There's one guy back here.
[1447.1s] That's Flammekins.
[1447.6s] That's Flammekins.
[1448.6s] All right.
[1449.1s] She's pretty easily.
[1450.1s] Motherfucker having me push paperwork
[1452.6s] this whole goddamn time.
[1454.0s] He's trying to burn everything.
[1454.7s] I'm like holding Flammekins back.
[1456.3s] Like Flammekins.
[1457.7s] Let me at him.
[1460.3s] And I let her go.
[1463.8s] She kicks him in the stomach.
[1467.8s] Another elf steps forward
[1470.8s] and he says,
[1472.1s] we will take care of Galen.
[1475.4s] He will be tried.
[1477.2s] There is no need for you
[1478.8s] to take any drastic measures.
[1480.4s] We have heard what he has done
[1483.8s] and he shall be tried as one of us
[1487.4s] and justly served.
[1489.3s] Thea feels good about it.
[1492.3s] Me too.
[1492.7s] I don't want to kill him or anything.
[1493.9s] Yeah, no, me neither.
[1495.0s] But I now I don't know
[1497.6s] why this would make me more
[1500.5s] want to stop them
[1501.6s] because we obviously already
[1503.2s] wanted to stop them.
[1504.3s] But now it feels like
[1507.3s] grosser that someone has
[1510.1s] like betrayed their kind.
[1513.3s] Wait, now it feels like
[1514.6s] it's less overt
[1516.7s] and more they're getting
[1519.2s] into the hearts of, you know,
[1521.2s] people in power and manipulating them.
[1524.9s] Yes.
[1525.5s] And that's harder to fight.
[1527.2s] Yes.
[1527.8s] It's true because, you know,
[1529.4s] like I just said to this
[1530.7s] crowd of angry elves,
[1533.0s] normally they just like
[1534.4s] in our experience,
[1535.8s] so much of it has been
[1537.2s] them just like coming
[1538.4s] and burning shit
[1539.4s] at least in this forest, right?
[1540.9s] Like we didn't know they were.
[1543.0s] Oh, yeah.
[1543.4s] Or stealing a whole bunch
[1544.8s] of gold and shit and hoarding it.
[1547.8s] You know,
[1549.2s] remember when when it was easy
[1550.6s] and they were just stealing stuff?
[1551.9s] Remember when the good old days
[1553.5s] when they were just after treasure?
[1555.5s] Yeah.
[1557.8s] So I guess do they take Galen
[1560.1s] or are we still holding on to him?
[1561.6s] Thaddeus is still just
[1562.5s] like kicking him or.
[1564.9s] I mean, I guess that's up to you
[1566.1s] if you let them by to take them
[1567.4s] unless you have any other questions, but.
[1569.6s] I do.
[1571.2s] Flint.
[1572.8s] Yeah.
[1577.9s] So.
[1580.1s] Do you do you have any special feelings
[1582.0s] for a certain a certain, you know?
[1586.0s] Certain special someone
[1587.4s] that we may or may not have had
[1590.4s] dinner with and fought grungs with.
[1593.4s] Grants is he's dead.
[1603.0s] Thaddeus is like,
[1604.5s] you got to be very specific
[1605.9s] with these questions.
[1606.9s] Oh my God.
[1608.5s] Meanwhile, they're they're
[1609.6s] taking gallon away.
[1611.4s] I don't know if you want
[1612.2s] to rephrase your question
[1613.6s] or if you're good.
[1614.8s] What was her name?
[1616.1s] I'm trying to think.
[1618.0s] Disa.
[1618.6s] Disa.
[1620.0s] Do you love Disa?
[1622.4s] No, she wasn't my type.
[1625.2s] What is your type?
[1627.7s] I don't know.
[1628.1s] I haven't met them yet.
[1630.1s] Wow.
[1630.9s] Well, that was that was anticlimactic,
[1633.1s] but I'm like I like kind of high five
[1635.8s] CF because I'm like
[1638.3s] I'm really excited.
[1639.8s] She took advantage of this opportunity.
[1641.5s] Well, you know,
[1642.2s] we don't know a whole lot about Flint.
[1644.0s] Let's face it.
[1644.7s] He could be some psycho.
[1645.9s] Just kidding.
[1646.4s] Flint, you wearing underpants?
[1649.2s] You know me, definitely not.
[1653.1s] That's a man.
[1653.7s] What do you do about the chafing with the armor?
[1657.0s] Baby powder.
[1658.8s] There's baby powder in this universe.
[1661.1s] Good to know.
[1661.9s] Oh, well, there's always cornstarch, right?
[1663.6s] True, true.
[1664.4s] Talcum powder of some kind.
[1666.9s] Talcum powder and cornstarch.
[1668.5s] Very much the same thing.
[1669.4s] Very much the same.
[1670.6s] They're very interchangeable
[1672.6s] as uses as well.
[1673.8s] Like you can bake with both of them.
[1675.4s] I suggest it to you.
[1676.6s] Yeah, it's no problem at all.
[1678.0s] Next time you're thickening a stew,
[1679.6s] make sure to use baby powder.
[1681.9s] Join us on Patreon for alternate podcast
[1684.6s] alternate baking methods.
[1686.1s] Yes.
[1686.9s] Cooking to kill yourself.
[1690.8s] I know that that was darker
[1692.1s] when I said it out loud.
[1693.5s] What is that?
[1693.9s] Like pre-heat oven to 350 insert?
[1700.4s] Yikes.
[1701.5s] Okay, take him away.
[1703.5s] I don't want to see his face anymore.
[1705.6s] Do we want to try and like
[1707.6s] go find this waterfall?
[1709.6s] Like, what do you?
[1710.8s] Yes, because now I'm all like riled up
[1713.4s] and that's what I want to do is
[1715.2s] let's go.
[1715.9s] Let's get a fucking posse of elves
[1717.7s] and go to hunt these.
[1719.0s] But it is still, you know,
[1720.3s] dragon people.
[1722.2s] What's our larger?
[1723.8s] Like what's our bigger picture thing
[1725.8s] here?
[1726.1s] Because like you Lara has lost
[1727.9s] the bigger picture.
[1728.9s] Wait a minute.
[1729.5s] Bring that guy back.
[1731.2s] I yeah.
[1731.8s] No, once you just mentioned,
[1733.1s] are they out?
[1733.7s] They're not out yet.
[1734.3s] Are they?
[1734.7s] They are like midway out the door.
[1736.4s] No, no.
[1736.7s] Okay, stop.
[1738.5s] They still in the zone of truth,
[1740.2s] right?
[1741.0s] Sure.
[1741.2s] Thaddeus can just move and he's.
[1742.7s] Oh, where's Nerenvane?
[1747.4s] Oh, good question.
[1748.6s] Right.
[1749.4s] Yep.
[1750.7s] I don't know Nerenvane.
[1758.7s] Okay.
[1760.4s] Does anyone else in the room happen
[1762.3s] to know him is a statue of Adren.
[1764.9s] Yeah.
[1765.2s] Anybody else?
[1766.0s] Anybody Nerenvane?
[1767.7s] Are you here?
[1769.9s] So I say that question again.
[1771.9s] I don't know.
[1772.2s] Is anyone else in the room know
[1774.0s] of or is Nerenvane?
[1776.8s] There's like everybody looks
[1778.5s] and they're like, I mean besides
[1780.2s] the fact that he was once
[1782.5s] he's the missing prince to
[1784.6s] King Melandridge.
[1785.7s] We don't know and he hasn't
[1787.6s] been heard from in years.
[1791.0s] Yeah, a simple no would suffice.
[1793.0s] Yeah, that's fine.
[1793.9s] We're under the zone of truth.
[1795.0s] We have to give the answer
[1796.0s] to our fullest ability.
[1797.1s] Who's Adren?
[1798.7s] Adren is the founder of Altand.
[1802.7s] Right.
[1803.2s] I forgot.
[1803.8s] The statue dude?
[1805.5s] Yeah, it's the statue dude.
[1807.2s] Get him out of here.
[1810.5s] Love flammie kids.
[1811.4s] Before I tear his fucking face off.
[1816.9s] I'm a goblin.
[1817.6s] I can eat faces.
[1819.0s] She's one of my favorite NPCs.
[1821.7s] I'm really into her.
[1823.1s] Who's up to talk about this
[1824.3s] over some beefy stews?
[1825.7s] Yes, I'm always down for beefy stews.
[1828.3s] Yes.
[1829.3s] I...
[1830.6s] Okay.
[1830.9s] Well, we could go there
[1832.0s] and like try and get a posse.
[1834.2s] Like an insane clown posse?
[1836.2s] Like I want to go now
[1840.0s] and like try to find this waterfall
[1843.5s] and try to stop this from happening.
[1847.2s] Who's with me?
[1848.1s] I also want to do that,
[1850.3s] but I worry that
[1854.0s] like if we are here to find
[1858.1s] Narenvane,
[1860.3s] do we...
[1861.7s] Should we wait for Delaine?
[1865.4s] Should we...
[1868.1s] I don't know.
[1869.6s] He's supposed to meet us here.
[1871.1s] Thaddeus
[1873.1s] shakes the glow that is about him
[1876.9s] and says,
[1879.3s] perhaps we wait until morning.
[1882.5s] He said he was supposed to be here today.
[1886.5s] If we wait till morning,
[1888.5s] gives him a chance to to meet us here.
[1891.1s] And if he doesn't show up,
[1892.5s] perhaps something has happened to him.
[1895.8s] Thaddeus, you are making sense.
[1900.5s] You're very wise.
[1901.7s] It isn't reasonable to
[1904.3s] rush off to try and find a dragon
[1906.7s] hiding behind a waterfall
[1907.9s] that may or may not exist.
[1909.7s] At night.
[1912.7s] Besides, and he pointed out
[1915.1s] and he points around and looks
[1917.7s] and directs you to the houses around you
[1920.7s] and you see many of the elves
[1923.9s] gathering whatever they can carry
[1926.7s] and looking like they're
[1929.6s] heading towards the pulley systems.
[1933.9s] Not all of them,
[1934.6s] but many of them look like they're leaving leaving town.
[1939.1s] Where are you going?
[1940.5s] Anywhere safer than here.
[1942.9s] I don't know.
[1943.7s] Your buddy already cut you guys a deal.
[1945.4s] This might be the best place for you.
[1947.1s] This is probably the safest place.
[1950.8s] Yeah, we'll figure that out when we're on the road.
[1953.7s] Okay, stay safe.
[1955.5s] Bye.
[1957.8s] Are they falling down?
[1961.2s] They're riding roller coasters.
[1962.8s] One guy very far away from you decided to talk to you.
[1965.7s] He's the only one answering.
[1967.1s] Yeah, that's fair.
[1968.3s] Okay, so I guess let's go to beefy stews.
[1970.7s] Let's have some stew.
[1972.4s] Yeah.
[1972.7s] Have a good night's rest
[1974.5s] and hopefully Delaine will be here.
[1977.5s] We can get our kissy kissy on
[1979.1s] and then we can go and maybe see about the dragon.
[1983.7s] Okay.
[1984.5s] He is very smitten with him.
[1987.0s] Naturally.
[1988.1s] Yeah, rightfully so.
[1989.0s] He's got that wolf.
[1990.6s] Naturally, he's breathing and walking about.
[1995.4s] He's exactly Fia's type.
[1997.3s] Checking a lot of boxes.
[1998.6s] All those boxes.
[1999.9s] Also, also the winter wolf thing.
[2002.7s] We had a moment at the council meeting.
[2006.3s] Okay, so beefy stews.
[2008.4s] So you head back to beefy stews.
[2010.2s] You eat some stew.
[2011.7s] Do you want to talk about anything in particular
[2013.9s] or are you just heading to...
[2015.6s] I feel like it's a quiet like...
[2018.5s] Yeah, I just want to go to Sleepy Time Station.
[2019.9s] Everyone's in their own head just...
[2024.6s] All right.
[2025.1s] All aboard.
[2026.1s] Everybody, Flint, you get to head to Sleepy Time Station.
[2030.2s] Yeah, I'm extra quiet after having my privacy trodden upon.
[2035.7s] It's fine.
[2036.3s] Don't worry about it.
[2037.1s] It's fine.
[2037.5s] We didn't learn anything, so...
[2039.8s] You learned dwarven females are not Flint's type.
[2044.4s] Well, at least that one is.
[2045.4s] And that he doesn't wear underwear.
[2047.5s] At least that one.
[2048.0s] I think we knew that.
[2048.5s] I had a feeling like we had that.
[2049.5s] Yeah, we kind of suspected that latter fact.
[2051.8s] I mean, that was...
[2052.5s] That's pretty much canon at this point.
[2055.2s] The never nude turns always almost nude.
[2058.2s] Mm-hmm.
[2059.5s] Yeah, so you guys all head to bed.
[2062.8s] And Carla and Amy, I need you to take your headphones off.
[2069.1s] Okay, they're gone.
[2070.0s] Okay.
[2071.4s] You wake up in the morning and naturally you're a nudist.
[2077.0s] So you have on no clothing.
[2079.1s] Yeah, of course.
[2079.8s] Yeah.
[2080.5s] But you kind of sit up in bed and you look and starting
[2086.6s] on your chest, something you didn't notice, you haven't
[2089.0s] noticed to this point, is dragon scales.
[2095.4s] Okay.
[2096.9s] Blue dragon scales starting.
[2099.4s] It looks like they're starting from the center of your
[2101.3s] chest.
[2103.5s] And you hear a voice that you haven't heard in a while.
[2109.2s] Bored and he...
[2111.7s] Not even so much you hear him.
[2113.7s] You feel like you're looking through somebody else's eyes at
[2117.8s] this time.
[2118.9s] And he begins talking through you.
[2121.8s] And he says, so it looks...
[2126.8s] I've been...
[2127.2s] I've been...
[2127.9s] I'm a minute to mention that, well, I've been like
[2132.4s] feeling things and I know that sounds kind of weird, but
[2136.5s] like sensation that I haven't felt in...
[2142.4s] Well, since I got my head chopped off.
[2144.9s] That makes sense.
[2147.2s] And I was having trouble explaining it until right now.
[2151.9s] I think we are becoming what's known as one.
[2159.5s] What do you mean by one?
[2162.8s] Well, from the looks of it and I mean, I've heard of
[2166.9s] bodies being kind of joined in our world on Enon.
[2172.2s] And if they're not taking care of in time,
[2178.3s] the host becomes more like the soul or the entity that's
[2187.1s] inside of them.
[2189.6s] And your vision quickly switches back so now you feel
[2193.9s] like you are not looking through somebody else's eyes,
[2196.1s] but you're looking through his and I feel like we could
[2200.1s] be doing this song and dance a little bit until we get
[2204.0s] this sorted out.
[2205.7s] Are we are you talking like split personality or are
[2209.8s] we gonna become like this new thing with the both
[2214.2s] of us like in there?
[2219.4s] That's a good question.
[2222.2s] Oh, you mean you haven't done this before?
[2224.3s] No, no haven't haven't experienced this one yet myself,
[2229.3s] but some things that I that I have heard is the host
[2236.2s] disappears.
[2238.8s] Oh boy.
[2240.4s] I don't know how best to to I don't I mean, I'm going
[2244.8s] to leave that kind of up to you on how you want to
[2249.0s] go about this.
[2249.8s] I know you guys have a lot of things going on.
[2251.8s] I don't know how long this is going to take or even
[2255.7s] you feel the scales on your chest or even how long
[2258.7s] it will take for anybody to notice.
[2261.7s] But it could be bad for one of us.
[2265.9s] Yeah, that that doesn't sound good.
[2270.3s] He's like what should we do?
[2273.4s] Well, I mean you guys got that that body switch
[2276.0s] and spell right.
[2276.9s] I mean I get the only thing I can think of is just
[2279.4s] doing that as quickly as possible.
[2281.2s] But again, I mean, I know you guys have shit.
[2285.7s] All right, the spell Macoth worked up for us.
[2289.4s] Yeah, it like to this point, like it seems to be
[2294.5s] slow slow progressing.
[2296.1s] We could we could have time based on what we do
[2300.3s] used to have dragon scales on my chest.
[2302.7s] So I don't think it's that slow anymore.
[2305.1s] Yeah, that's that's true.
[2306.8s] I mean we can kind of kind of play it by by ear
[2310.9s] and see where we're at once we figure out this
[2313.4s] forest thing, maybe.
[2315.9s] Yeah, maybe yeah task at hand and then kind of
[2318.9s] put it next on the list.
[2320.4s] Sure.
[2321.2s] Sure.
[2321.5s] Yeah, that's that's probably a good idea.
[2324.3s] Oh geez.
[2325.3s] All right.
[2325.7s] Yeah, this is how am I going to tell the group
[2329.2s] about this?
[2330.5s] Yeah.
[2331.3s] Well, I mean fortunately you have to deal with
[2334.1s] that and I don't.
[2336.3s] But you've done it again.
[2338.2s] Yeah foiled.
[2340.5s] Oh, I get you every time.
[2343.0s] But maybe we should figure out if if like one
[2346.1s] of those body swampy things happens and you're
[2348.6s] looking through me rather than I'm looking through
[2351.3s] you.
[2351.5s] What how you want to play it?
[2353.7s] Oh, yeah shit.
[2356.4s] Do you want to tell them right now or do you
[2358.3s] want to do you want to wait?
[2359.6s] What's your?
[2360.9s] Maybe maybe we'll wait till kind of the task at
[2365.6s] hand is is finished and then we'll all kind of
[2368.3s] spring it on and then okay.
[2370.6s] So if I if I get if I am in control, like I
[2376.7s] will try and play it as as much like you.
[2381.2s] Yeah, that sounds good and hope it switches
[2385.0s] back back quick.
[2386.3s] What's it?
[2386.7s] What's a popular catchphrase you have that I
[2389.5s] could just toss out so they really know that
[2392.5s] it's that it's you and not me.
[2396.3s] You can yell out.
[2397.6s] I'm not wearing underwear.
[2400.2s] Got it.
[2401.2s] Every time it happens.
[2402.4s] I will yell.
[2403.1s] I'm not wearing underwear.
[2405.6s] Perfect.
[2406.9s] All right.
[2407.5s] Well, if I if I think of anything else,
[2410.8s] it's been a been a while since I've I mean
[2413.2s] if it's nice to talk to you again.
[2415.7s] Yeah, no, absolutely.
[2416.9s] We should do this.
[2417.5s] We should do this more often.
[2418.7s] I mean those those those ladies kind of hold
[2422.2s] back our conversation.
[2423.3s] I think you're not wrong.
[2428.1s] He laughs and then he says all right.
[2430.3s] Well, you you guys got shit to do.
[2432.0s] I'll you need you need me you you come give
[2434.5s] me a give me a holler and I'll try and oh
[2436.6s] hey, I do have a question before you go.
[2439.2s] Yeah, any tips on fighting dragons?
[2444.7s] Hit them hard, hit them fast and don't let
[2447.7s] them don't let them hit you.
[2449.8s] Okay, so my standard battle approach then.
[2452.2s] Okay, got it.
[2452.8s] Yeah.
[2453.1s] Yeah, you've been doing pretty good.
[2454.6s] They're pretty good there.
[2455.7s] So yeah.
[2457.3s] All right.
[2457.9s] Awesome.
[2459.9s] Okay, so you guys you guys wake up in the
[2462.0s] morning and you reconvene in beefy stews
[2465.6s] and he's got some breakfast stuff ready for
[2467.3s] you and it says hold things on the house
[2471.5s] guys you guys you guys helped us.
[2474.5s] I'm gonna I'm gonna make sure you're fed
[2476.2s] as long long as you're here.
[2478.7s] Oh, thanks.
[2479.9s] Thanks to you.
[2481.0s] Thanks beefy stew.
[2482.8s] We're gonna yeah, we're gonna try
[2485.2s] get this sorted out.
[2487.0s] Yeah, yeah, yeah, you you got it you
[2490.5s] much too as you need and then once you
[2492.7s] guys go I'm probably going to go to
[2495.1s] because it seems like everybody's leaving
[2497.3s] maybe head for head for silvery moon
[2499.7s] or something somewhere.
[2500.9s] It's a bit safer.
[2501.8s] We'll see.
[2502.5s] Oh, okay.
[2503.5s] You need anything you give me a holler
[2505.6s] and if you need anything once you get
[2507.2s] to silvery moon just mention that,
[2508.9s] you know, you know me and you'll be
[2511.7s] taken care of taking care of taking
[2514.7s] care of by who are you lying to
[2516.1s] Stu whoever you run into.
[2519.4s] Okay.
[2520.1s] And okay.
[2521.1s] Yep.
[2521.4s] You got it.
[2521.9s] Okay.
[2522.6s] Is he gone now?
[2523.8s] I want to tell you line is back.
[2525.6s] Yeah, go for it.
[2527.5s] So Stu walks away and like I look
[2530.9s] at my friends like
[2533.5s] don't like I'm pissed at Galen too,
[2537.6s] but don't they get that he has made
[2540.6s] like this is the safest place to be
[2542.4s] at least until the middle of tonight
[2544.6s] when he might have like he's not
[2546.1s] going to show up to give Dragon
[2547.8s] Rider McGee more information.
[2550.5s] Like why if they weren't going to
[2553.4s] run away before I don't I'm not
[2555.2s] sure I understand why they're
[2556.1s] going to run away now.
[2558.1s] I don't really get it either.
[2560.2s] Elves are weird.
[2563.0s] Agree.
[2563.4s] I give Flamikins Kinza look.
[2565.8s] Oh and Nulara.
[2567.3s] Yeah.
[2567.7s] I mean, you're just giving the
[2568.5s] stink guy all over the place.
[2570.0s] Like yeah, we all we all kind
[2571.5s] of night along.
[2572.2s] We all not along with flamkins.
[2574.4s] I mean, you're I mean you're
[2576.1s] cool, but you know in general.
[2579.7s] Yeah, we come with our quirks.
[2581.4s] Yeah, I think this just means
[2582.9s] we need to take care of this
[2584.3s] sooner than later.
[2586.1s] I agree.
[2587.1s] I guess I'll shout at Stu like
[2591.4s] Stu any any newcomers or
[2593.6s] waiting for our friends still
[2594.9s] is anyone?
[2597.2s] Shown up in town.
[2598.8s] No, nobody.
[2599.8s] Nobody knew just lots of people
[2602.3s] lots of people leaving not many
[2603.9s] people come coming in.
[2606.4s] What do you guys want to do
[2607.6s] while we wait for Delaine?
[2609.9s] I'm not good at waiting.
[2610.7s] Should we should we go and
[2612.3s] see if there are any armories
[2613.9s] or anything that we could do
[2616.2s] to that?
[2618.1s] He says, I mean, I know you I
[2620.3s] know we want to wait for him,
[2621.6s] but he's he's one of the best
[2625.3s] trackers in known Faerun.
[2628.3s] If we go, he'll know where we
[2630.3s] are.
[2631.4s] That's true.
[2632.6s] So we're talking like a
[2633.5s] last-minute rescue when we're
[2635.0s] fucking going to hell.
[2635.9s] He's going to come in and
[2636.7s] save the day.
[2637.3s] I'm down.
[2639.2s] Yeah, that sounds like that
[2640.6s] dramatic storytelling.
[2641.7s] Let's do it.
[2642.5s] I say in character to that.
[2646.6s] Yeah, totally.
[2647.8s] Yeah, that was definitely in
[2649.0s] character as well.
[2649.7s] For sure.
[2650.6s] Yeah.
[2657.1s] Hey there, I'm your Dungeon
[2658.2s] Master Russ More.
[2659.2s] Thank you for joining us for
[2660.1s] episode 35 of Dungeons and
[2661.7s] Dragons titled and Alton
[2663.5s] interrogation.
[2664.9s] Just want to give you the
[2665.6s] details from our friends at
[2666.7s] the Liberty podcast.
[2668.0s] You can pick up their newly
[2669.3s] released sci-fi post-apocalyptic
[2671.7s] RPG system Liberty After at
[2674.2s] LibertyEndures.com or
[2675.6s] DriveThruRPG.com.
[2677.5s] Liberty After has 150 pages
[2679.7s] featuring over 30 new classes
[2681.3s] and weapons, dozens of new
[2682.7s] special abilities, deities,
[2684.3s] poisons, enemies, and those
[2685.9s] sweet misfire charts.
[2687.4s] I'm going to have to work
[2687.9s] some of those into the game,
[2689.0s] I think.
[2689.9s] Another fun thing players of
[2691.2s] the system can do is submit
[2692.6s] your own stories to possibly
[2694.2s] have them immortalized in
[2695.3s] the world's official canon so
[2697.1s] long as they don't blow up
[2698.9s] the planet.
[2700.1s] You just got to keep it
[2700.9s] toned down a little bit, okay?
[2702.5s] You might even find your
[2703.4s] characters in future comics,
[2705.2s] graphic novels, or podcasts
[2706.9s] that the Liberty team creates.
[2708.9s] Speaking of which, there's
[2710.0s] that new podcast they just
[2711.3s] released, Liberty Vigilance,
[2712.7s] which is an actual play
[2714.2s] audio drama mishmash where
[2716.1s] they've used the After system.
[2717.6s] So it'll give you a little
[2718.2s] chance to get a feel for
[2719.5s] it, which is really cool.
[2720.9s] So go listen to that
[2721.9s] wherever you download podcasts
[2723.6s] and find all the details
[2724.8s] about the system and the
[2726.1s] podcast at LibertyEndures.com.
[2729.7s] And while you're out there
[2730.4s] checking things out on the internet,
[2731.5s] I invite you to check out
[2732.6s] our Patreon community page,
[2734.1s] Patreon.com slash dumb
[2735.5s] dragon cast.
[2736.6s] There you'll be able to see
[2737.4s] the many tiers and rewards
[2739.3s] and awesome things we have
[2740.6s] going on available to you.
[2742.2s] Some of those rewards
[2743.1s] include amazingly fun
[2744.3s] Patreon bonus episodes
[2746.1s] and a monthly gook hang.
[2747.8s] Yeah, that's what we
[2748.4s] call it over there,
[2749.4s] where you can come hang out
[2750.3s] with the whole crew of
[2751.2s] Dumbgeons and Dragons,
[2752.1s] ask us questions or just say
[2753.6s] hey, just so you know,
[2754.8s] that's only for patrons
[2755.6s] in specific levels.
[2756.5s] So make sure you check it
[2757.2s] all out and find out
[2758.5s] where you can fit in there.
[2760.4s] Joining the community helps us
[2762.3s] make the show better
[2763.4s] with each episode.
[2765.2s] Please visit Patreon.com
[2766.7s] slash dumb dragon cast
[2768.1s] and see if there's a place for you.
[2770.0s] All of our social media
[2770.9s] links can be found on our website
[2772.6s] dumbdragons.com
[2773.8s] and I would especially encourage you
[2775.1s] to join us on our new Facebook group.
[2777.3s] Go check that out.
[2778.2s] It's small,
[2778.7s] but we're getting bigger every week
[2779.9s] and there are tons of amazing people
[2781.7s] sharing great things about
[2782.9s] their D&D and RPG experiences.
[2785.4s] Links for everything mentioned today
[2786.6s] can be found in the description.
[2788.3s] The next episode will be out
[2789.6s] April 11th, but right now
[2791.4s] let's go find out what all this
[2792.9s] sneaky headphones off business is about.
[2795.5s] Hmm, mystery,
[2796.9s] intrigue.
[2797.8s] I like it.
[2798.4s] Have a great couple weeks.
[2799.5s] We'll talk to you soon.
[2808.4s] See a carves on a tree on the way out.
[2812.2s] Gone to fight dragon,
[2814.6s] waterfall,
[2815.8s] miss you and then a heart
[2817.6s] and a T in the heart.
[2819.7s] You'll find it.
[2821.0s] You will.
[2822.4s] I guess if we go to the lifts,
[2825.2s] is gallon Dan there?
[2828.6s] You better believe gallon Dan is there.
[2830.4s] He's on shift.
[2831.8s] He's such a hard worker.
[2833.1s] Well, he seems like the guy too.
[2834.7s] Like he's like,
[2835.3s] I'm gonna be here till it burns.
[2837.3s] Sure.
[2837.7s] Get people up and down out of these trees.
[2841.2s] I'm but a simple pulley man.
[2843.0s] I'm just a pulley man.
[2847.2s] Wow, nice tie into the Mike Myers cast.
[2850.0s] He's
[2853.6s] always keeping on brand.
[2855.3s] Yep.
[2855.7s] Our Mike Myers brand.
[2857.2s] Yeah, it's our new sub podcast.
[2860.4s] Okay.
[2860.7s] I want to I assume we're like all on board too.
[2863.7s] Yes.
[2864.3s] Yeah, let's do this shit.
[2867.8s] We pound a few red balls and get jacked.
[2869.9s] Let's go fight a fucking dragon.
[2871.9s] We always get so successfully.
[2874.4s] Yeah, I've never fought a dragon before,
[2876.8s] but holy fuck.
[2878.0s] Am I excited?
[2880.3s] You're going to be great play begins.
[2883.4s] Because I want to so we go to the lift and gallon Dan is
[2886.5s] there.
[2888.7s] We need to know.
[2891.7s] Such a cool dude.
[2893.6s] Can you tell us how to get to the large waterfall that
[2898.0s] you spoke of last night?
[2900.7s] Oh, yeah, totally.
[2902.4s] You just go and then he gives you exact directions
[2906.0s] perfect from
[2907.4s] I love that
[2908.5s] from the from the directions that flaming kins gave him
[2911.2s] to the location where you followed gallon to
[2915.2s] Oh my god, just say he tells you how to get.
[2916.8s] No, I need to make this as convoluted as possible.
[2919.4s] Got a fill time here.
[2921.5s] Yeah, he gives you directions.
[2923.3s] Okay.
[2924.1s] Thank you.
[2926.0s] And stay safe.
[2928.1s] Yeah.
[2928.3s] Oh, oh, yeah, we'll stay safe.
[2930.2s] You take care of that dragon and
[2932.7s] we'll be all good.
[2934.0s] We're gonna we're gonna try sweet
[2937.4s] and as you as you have this fond farewell.
[2940.2s] He just starts lowering the pulley
[2946.0s] slowly very slowly and awkwardly.
[2949.6s] Just staring at you.
[2950.5s] Tells you thanks for all the stew.
[2953.4s] He just doesn't say anything just keeps lowering a little
[2955.2s] bit faster now.
[2959.1s] You're at the bottom.
[2960.8s] Okay.
[2961.9s] All right, we start off in the direction in which he
[2963.9s] had told us.
[2966.0s] He told you that the the waterfall is about 30 miles
[2970.3s] from Alton in the direction that gallon had given you
[2976.5s] and you are traveling for quite a while.
[2980.5s] It takes you most of the day
[2983.5s] and you you're walking through thick heavy brush
[2987.8s] and you hear in the distance the sound of a female
[2991.7s] voice crying out.
[2994.2s] And she's yelling help help.
[3000.1s] Well, it's probably a fucking witch.
[3001.5s] So let's go.
[3005.5s] We run apprehensively towards the voice
[3009.7s] as you get closer to the voice and you come upon
[3012.3s] this this woman you see
[3016.5s] she is on the ground and she has her leg trapped
[3021.2s] underneath a heavy fallen tree and she calls out to
[3025.6s] you as she sees you come up and she says can you
[3029.4s] can you please can you please help me get free?
[3034.0s] Can I like do a perception check like I we have
[3038.6s] been burned so many times by random women in the
[3041.1s] woods.
[3044.6s] Developed a compLex.
[3046.6s] I have do an insight check.
[3049.1s] Yeah, sure.
[3050.0s] Insight or sorry.
[3051.6s] What are you looking for?
[3052.7s] Are you looking for like her how she's portraying
[3055.8s] herself or like things around like things around
[3059.1s] like can I see people like others hiding?
[3063.8s] Does it seem like a legitimate tree has fallen
[3067.1s] down like, you know, I have a nature affinity
[3070.7s] if it's like looks fake.
[3072.7s] I would know if it was fake.
[3075.3s] Totally.
[3075.7s] Yeah, roll an investigation check if that's what
[3077.5s] you're looking for.
[3080.0s] Nailed it.
[3080.5s] That's an eight.
[3081.6s] So I know we're in the woods.
[3084.4s] It's a good first impression.
[3086.2s] You see that she's she's got a tree on top
[3088.4s] of her.
[3088.5s] I'll give you I'll give you advantage because
[3090.5s] you are woodsy.
[3092.5s] I'm definitely woodsy.
[3094.6s] That is an 18.
[3096.5s] You come upon her and she's calling out to
[3099.7s] you and you're kind of looking around see if
[3102.6s] maybe this is is a trap of some sort and you
[3106.1s] don't you don't see anybody.
[3108.0s] You don't see any sign of any other people.
[3112.1s] It looks like the tree has legitimately snapped
[3115.5s] and fallen on top of her.
[3119.2s] There's nothing that you can tell that would
[3121.3s] otherwise tell you that she is not actually
[3124.3s] calling out the odds though.
[3126.1s] Like really that's what I was going to say
[3127.7s] like that moment.
[3128.7s] Damn like what did she roll?
[3130.5s] That is that is some bad fucking luck.
[3133.5s] I mean if a tree falls in the woods and
[3135.4s] it doesn't fall on a potential like would be
[3138.0s] witch to destroy us.
[3139.3s] Does it really fall at all?
[3141.8s] Age-old question.
[3143.3s] Age-old question.
[3144.3s] I have been in the woods when a tree has
[3145.7s] fallen and it is loud as fuck.
[3147.5s] So like it's kind of her own fault.
[3149.1s] She didn't get out of the way.
[3151.1s] A lot of cracking happening, but I can't
[3153.3s] lift this tree, but
[3156.5s] maybe my very strong companions.
[3158.3s] Yeah, let's all get in there.
[3159.4s] Let's all let's all go try and move this
[3161.6s] tree.
[3163.1s] Is she is it an elf or a human?
[3167.1s] She's an elf.
[3168.2s] What's she wearing?
[3170.1s] She's wearing kind of a woodsy
[3172.4s] woodsy attire.
[3174.8s] Just kind of natural fabrics and a lot of
[3178.3s] hemp a lot of maybe some burlap.
[3180.6s] Sure.
[3182.1s] Okay.
[3183.8s] Okay, we lift everybody want to roll me a
[3186.1s] strength.
[3188.7s] Nineteen.
[3189.1s] Oh man, be a super fucking strong.
[3192.1s] Twenty-one.
[3192.9s] Twenty-three.
[3195.3s] Throw the tree across the clearing where
[3197.2s] it's amazing.
[3198.2s] So it takes all of your effort to lift
[3200.8s] the tree and you as you lift it, you
[3204.0s] realize that you may be putting yourselves
[3206.7s] at risk if it shifts against you.
[3209.8s] But then even as you are close to freeing
[3213.1s] the woman the tree begins to rise on
[3216.3s] its own and two other trees standing
[3220.0s] nearby shift back along the ground as
[3222.2s] the elf stands and smiles showing no
[3225.1s] sign of injury and she says every
[3228.1s] fucking time heroes at last.
[3234.5s] She says how many might fall back
[3237.7s] in fear at the sight of a stranger in
[3239.4s] the woods or think first of their own
[3241.5s] safety before helping another.
[3243.4s] I grant you my blessing.
[3246.2s] May your hearts prove true where
[3248.0s] others fear to tread and the woman picks
[3251.1s] flowers from her hair that you swear
[3253.3s] were not there a moment ago and then
[3255.5s] twist her fingers to weave them into
[3257.3s] garland as if by magic and she lays
[3259.9s] a garland around each of your necks
[3262.6s] then suddenly transforms into an owl
[3266.0s] and her awakened tree servants stomp
[3268.0s] after her in the forest.
[3271.2s] Do we feel anything?
[3272.5s] Do I feel a rush of vigor?
[3275.1s] Surge through my body.
[3277.6s] Do I know what this magic is?
[3279.8s] That's a better question that she's
[3281.2s] given to us.
[3283.4s] Do I feel a rut?
[3284.2s] Is there a tingling sensation?
[3289.5s] You sense there is some sort of
[3292.8s] druidic very strong druidic magic,
[3295.5s] but you're uncertain as to what
[3297.5s] exactly it does.
[3300.0s] I'm going to name my garland Jeff.
[3304.6s] He is fun.
[3305.3s] Yeah, that's fun.
[3307.0s] Yeah, I like that.
[3308.8s] Okay.
[3310.2s] So little strange, but probably one
[3313.2s] of our our best, you know, interactions
[3317.1s] in the woods with a stranger.
[3318.3s] With a random woman in the woods by far.
[3320.4s] Yeah, this is pretty.
[3321.5s] This is definitely our best interaction
[3323.2s] with a random woman in the woods.
[3325.0s] So I mean, and these are nice.
[3327.6s] I mean, I feel pretty.
[3330.0s] Do I feel pretty?
[3331.9s] Oh, so pretty.
[3334.0s] And witty and gay and gay.
[3336.4s] You elves are weird.
[3337.8s] Why?
[3338.3s] Why do I have this thing on?
[3340.6s] We're going to keep this on me.
[3341.7s] Is this some sort of forest shit thing?
[3343.9s] Do not rebuke a charm
[3347.4s] and a blessing given to you by a druid.
[3349.4s] Yeah, okay.
[3350.2s] Yeah, you got it.
[3351.3s] Yep.
[3352.0s] Yep.
[3352.3s] Yep.
[3352.7s] Yep.
[3353.0s] I'll keep it on.
[3355.8s] Fucking right, you will.
[3357.5s] Keep walking.
[3361.4s] Onward?
[3362.5s] Yeah, it goes stone cold for a minute.
[3365.0s] Flamikins Kinn's been talking some smack about elves,
[3367.0s] so I guess she really has.
[3369.2s] Flamikins Kinn's is on my shit list right now.
[3371.7s] Well, you're mad too,
[3372.5s] because Delaine hasn't shown up yet.
[3374.4s] Well, yeah, girls got needs.
[3378.0s] Okay, so we like, let's just keep going, right?
[3381.9s] You turn and you see Thaddeus is already walking.
[3384.1s] So you kind of catch up to him
[3387.0s] and you carry on for what you think is most of the 30
[3392.5s] miles that you were told that you'd have to walk
[3394.7s] and you begin to hear the sound of a waterfall off
[3399.3s] in the distance and you figure based on the where
[3403.9s] the sounds coming from you might be like a quarter
[3406.0s] mile out.
[3408.4s] Everybody make a perception check.
[3413.9s] 18.
[3414.7s] Perceptive as fuck.
[3416.8s] 21.
[3419.3s] Damn, Amy.
[3419.8s] 19.
[3420.9s] 19.
[3421.8s] I have a plus eight perception.
[3423.7s] I'm super fucking perceptive.
[3426.9s] Yeah, so you all begin to notice that there are thin
[3430.7s] strands of spiderweb that you can start to see hanging
[3435.3s] nearly invisible in the misty air.
[3440.2s] Spreading out going in the direction that you are going.
[3444.8s] Do Flamikins Kinn's and Thaddeus notice this as well
[3447.6s] or do we need to stop them?
[3449.2s] Flamikins Kinn keeps walking and doesn't notice you guys.
[3453.2s] It doesn't notice you guys have stopped and she's just
[3455.4s] kind of humming to herself.
[3457.6s] Gonna kill a dragon.
[3459.9s] Okay, I'm going to try and like grab her touch her
[3462.8s] shoulder or something and like point them out so that
[3465.3s] she whoa, whoa.
[3466.6s] Yeah.
[3466.8s] Oh jeez.
[3468.3s] Thanks.
[3469.0s] Thanks.
[3469.4s] Oh, what do you think those are for?
[3473.4s] Nothing good.
[3476.6s] In our previous experiences.
[3478.3s] Yep.
[3478.6s] Nothing good.
[3479.9s] Thea produces flame because I don't know if you guys have
[3482.4s] ever burnt up cobwebs before but really easy way to
[3485.8s] get rid of them and I don't want them to touch me.
[3488.3s] Yeah.
[3488.9s] Okay.
[3489.2s] Yeah.
[3489.4s] That's a really good point because you had don't they
[3490.9s] like shrivel like if you burn plastic or something
[3493.4s] like they go like you like it's kind of like
[3495.3s] burning hair.
[3495.9s] It just kind of yes.
[3496.8s] Yes, exactly.
[3497.8s] Exactly same.
[3498.6s] So I'm going to like that in this world.
[3501.1s] Yeah, do spiderwebs work the same or do they like
[3504.4s] yeah, they become explosive.
[3506.2s] Do they triple in size?
[3508.0s] What happens?
[3509.4s] As you produce flame and I assume you said you
[3512.4s] were using your sword.
[3513.5s] Yeah, I'm going to pull up my sword and movie
[3516.1s] Caliente it sure as you begin to light the webs
[3521.9s] you notice that they are quite moist and do not
[3524.9s] burn away as easily.
[3527.2s] They're mixed with the heavy mist and fog that's
[3530.2s] in the forest and it destroys the webs immediately
[3534.4s] in front of you but does not spread among them
[3537.3s] as you may have.
[3538.5s] Okay, but it keeps it off of us.
[3540.2s] So yeah, he is fairly happy with that as you
[3544.3s] begin to move forward the webs become thicker
[3547.5s] and you see wrapped up inside of them birds
[3552.4s] and small animals trapped within it.
[3555.1s] Are they alive?
[3555.7s] Can we get them out?
[3557.6s] Probably not.
[3559.0s] Yeah, everybody make a stealth roll make a
[3563.0s] barf roll more like right classic start.
[3569.6s] Oh no a 10 15 22 Thaddeus and Flammokins also
[3577.9s] failed.
[3578.4s] So you are walking along Thea and Nulara
[3582.8s] burning the webs in front of you but Thaddeus
[3585.9s] and Flammokins step a little bit outside and
[3589.9s] knock the webs.
[3593.1s] And Thea turns around almost to scold them
[3596.6s] perhaps and knocks into the webs herself.
[3600.6s] That'll learn her.
[3602.8s] And you hear the sound of legs beginning to
[3607.7s] crawl quickly towards you through the web.
[3612.9s] And you look up into the trees and you see
[3615.3s] what looks like seven giant spiders and jumping
[3618.9s] down behind you three Ettercaps as they close
[3623.4s] in on you.
[3625.0s] Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of
[3651.4s] Incompetech.Filmmusic.io
[3654.1s] Okay, I'm going to Google something here.
[3667.9s] Oh, here we go.
[3668.9s] D&D lore question.
[3670.7s] We have a prego elf in the party and nobody
[3673.7s] can find a straight answer.
[3675.8s] Okay, does anyone else pretend to walk while
[3678.1s] they're at their desk?
[3679.1s] Yeah, I literally just was like, so we're going
[3683.0s] to go right and started like moving my arms.
[3686.4s] You guys can't see me and I'm sitting so like
[3689.6s] in the room by yourself.
[3691.3s] I definitely did that every time.
[3694.3s] Yep.
[3694.5s] Me too.
[3694.8s] Like and we're off.
[3696.5s] It's mine.
[3697.0s] So like a lot of like, you know, elbows
[3699.4s] 90 degree angle fists out like a lot of
[3702.1s] shoulder movement.
[3703.3s] Big smiles, big smiles.
[3705.3s] Yeah, it's the world we're building here
[3708.1s] We're walking in a mall.
[3712.7s] That makes me happy that we're both doing
[3714.5s] that because I definitely do every time.
[3717.8s] Like let's go.
[3721.1s] So you high ho high ho.
[3724.4s] It's off to work.
[3725.0s] We go.
[3725.6s] Okay.
[3726.0s] Perfect.
[3726.7s] A famous Dwarven song.
[3728.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.